Mood:
incredulousTopic: A Hello to Arms
I don't wanna talk about movies anymore, and after this post I won't for awhile. So there...
Right, we're getting in the height of the 'Summer Blockbuster' era and all, so I've got one last comment on movies for the time being: as we all know (or desperately want to ignore, anyway) The Mummy 3 is out today (yeah: it's got a real name, but given those dumb-as-toast trailers for it (complete with the unforgettable line: "you've all got mummy-madness!"... ah, brilliant...) and of course the pickings off the rancidly-rotten Tomatometer, it is not deserving of even a very long name for its title. Hell: 'Mummy 3' takes too many syllables to describe this effort, even).
By the way: ever notice how usually a movie's title will correlate negatively with its goodness? There are exceptions, of course. I, for one, really liked *deep breath* Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, Second Star to the Right, Third Ocean from the Left, Down the Hall from the Bathroom, No Your Other Left....
But, generally, any film with a colon or a comma in its title should immediately reek of suspicion.
Let me be clear: I do not hate the 'Mummy Franchise' (at this point). The first movie was a delight for me: just about the right combination of heavy-handed CGI-pulp-action and irreverant genre-mocking put together (I'd use the word 'serio-comic'.... but I hate that word, so I won't). It kinda channeled Raiders for me, in a way, because there wasn't a moment I didn't feel entertained, nor a moment that I felt bogged down in stupidity. Unlike Raiders, of course, it wasn't... well... brilliant and completely without a flaw... but it was quite good.
Even the second one was at least watchable, although quickly drifting into the realm of stupidity and worn premise (it's a bad film, by any account, but not horrible...). In fact I just watched the whole movie a few days ago on television while treadmilling (this movie is made for that kind of thing: enough flashes and colors and semi-cohesive plotiness to keep one's brain marginally occupied and distracted from the screaming protest of one's own aching muscles).
Ironically, then, this film does not appear to be the Achilles's heel of either the franchise or of me.
...unless you wanna compare it to Casablanca, or something... by comparing any film to a great film we find that every movie will "always have [its] Paris"...
That's enough of that.
Now, they say that the Scorpion King ain't technically part of the Franchise, but I say that's a cop-out: that movie is so utterly and blatantly retarded (in pace as much as wit, even) that it could leave the Mummy Franchise, head on over to the Friday the 13th Franchise and raise the IQ of both Franchises by 50 points.
(but, again, the first one is quite good...)
I seem to have gotten off track (fancy that, eh?) My point is that I don't hate the Franchise, per say, and I'm not utterly biased, but c'mon: dumb-as-toast is dumb-as-toast, and this third film is an embarrassment, indeed.
So what's got me so hot under the collar? The making of one bad film, you say?
Nah... not that. See, the guy the've got playing the O'Connol kid in this one (who inexplicably grew quite old in no time at all... or did he?) has given some news to the media...
He's apparently signed on for THREE MORE MUMMY FILMS.....
*Sigh*...
In the mean time, I'm hoping this film makes no money (which, for various reasons, it is quite unlikely to do, unless the Chinese flock to it, and their government says it's okay, of course). If it makes no money, then how, pray tell, can you make THREE F**KING MORE FILMS?
Answer: you can't. And so the Mummy, like its namesake, will be given the proper respite it needs in the necropolis of spent film franchises (barring a spectacular reboot, or something, which has been known to happen sometimes). Other than that it deserves a much-needed rest.
Because (to paraphrase a sagacious source): the dead really ought sleep forever.
